Defunct Disney: Cranium Command and the Case of the Missing Buzzy

by Sam.
10.30.21

As a kid, I remember walking around the OLD Epcot (i.e. Horizons, obviously World of Motion, etc) and marveling at the things us youths at the time referred to as "those Learning rides". Everything was slow and boring... a welcome AC break for parents from all those thrill rides at the Magic Kingdom. Where else could you learn about dinosaurs in the ploddy World of Energy; or ride up into the Epcot ball in Spaceship Earth.. all at the speed of a turtle? There was virtually no end other than Figment. I mean, he was of course my homey.

Figment is my boy.

But all that changed when the Wonders of Life pavilion opened in 1989, introducing Epcot's first thrill ride: Body Wars! So yeah. This is gonna be a Body Wars blog, right? Meh. Maybe later. How about we talk instead about the quieter, less interesting attraction in the Wonders of Life... Cranium Command! You know, that ride that you went on when the Body Wars line was too long. 

The Wonders of Life in happier times.

Preshow

Buzzy was always a likely section 8 away from being unfit for duty.

From the entrance at the back of the pavilion, guests walked into a very basic, sparsely themed holding room with a digital counter reading the time until the next show. On the walls hung propaganda posters encouraging guests to enlist in the "Cranium Command" (similar signage could be seen advertising the show around the Wonders of Life pavilion). Also there was signage including brain teasers and humorous gags and puns, setting the stage for both the concept and tone. Guests were then led into a narrow, tall room with brightly colored carpeted walls. Facing the guests was a plain movie screen, and closed automatic doors to their left.

The movie screen would soon illuminate showing an animated segment featuring the boisterous and loud General Knowledge (voiced by Corey Burton) briefing his "Cranium Commando" troops on their mission: to pilot human brains and keep the people they're in out of trouble. A bumbling little soldier named Buzzy (Scott Curtis) had been given one of the most difficult missions of all: piloting a twelve-year-old boy.



When General Knowledge spoke in the pre-show and was explaining that they were different kinds of brains, he showed a picture of Albert Einstein, as the example of a person who used his brain and Ernest P. Worrell (a popular fictional character played by Jim Varney, who was appearing in series of feature films produced by Disney at the time), as an example of the opposite. At the end of the preshow, General Knowledge asked the guests, "Hey, you Goldbricks! This ain't no Spectator Sport! Where do you think you are, Disney World?! Get your strollers in line and hustle!", pointing towards the theater as the automatic doors swung open.

No chill.

Show

The main show was presented in a 200-seat, dimly-lit theater designed to represent the inside of a human head; the outside world seen on rear projection screens where the eyes would be. Buzzy was now presented as an Audio-Animatronic on an articulated seat so that he could move around during the performance. Helping him pilot the twelve-year-old named Bobby (also acted by Scott Curtis), via appearances on other screens, were the logical Left Brain (Charles Grodin), the wacky Right Brain (Jon Lovitz), the hungry Stomach (George Wendt), the panicky Bladder who is also referred to as "Elimination" (Jeff Doucette, in an uncredited role), the Adrenal Gland (Bobcat Goldthwait) who was prone to overreacting, and the heart's Right and Left Ventricles (Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon, reprising their Hans and Franz roles from Saturday Night Live). The monotone Hypothalamus (voiced by Kirk Wise), which regulated autonomic bodily functions, was represented via Audio-Animatronics as a robot.

And to think, the same thing goes on in your brain everyday.

The show took Buzzy's host through a typical day: getting up, skipping breakfast, running to school after missing the bus, becoming infatuated with new girl in Science class named Annie (Natalie Gregory), protecting her from bullies, getting involved in a food fight at lunch, getting sent to the principal (Kenneth Kimmins), and being thanked by Annie, then kissed after asking her out. At each point in the day, the various organs of the body talked to Buzzy, explained the problems they were facing, and in many cases argued over how Buzzy should deal with the situation. In the end, Buzzy (via help of General Knowledge's advice) eventually learned how to effectively balance the needs of his body crew in order to combat potential stressful situations.

Check out THIS CLIP for the entire ride thru.

Nothing like a pre-teen crush to give Disney that humanizing feel.

Cranium Command's opening was largely overshadowed by its sister attraction in Wonders of Life, the flight simulator thrill ride Body Wars. (Epcot's first) It also happened to have a poor location, tucked away in the back obscured by many other exhibits. Still, the attraction was regarded then and for almost the entire pavilion's lifespan as its "hidden gem" for its wit, charm, self-aware humor and fast-paced nature. The "Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World" book series even termed the attraction as "Epcot's hidden gem," stating "Epcot and Walt Disney World could use a lot more of this type of humor." It remains beloved by many Disney fans a decade after its closure. Jerry Rees even stated that out of the record-setting 13 theme park attractions he helmed for Disney, Cranium Command was at the top of the list of the ones he most loved working on, so much so that for years afterward he unsuccessfully tried to get a feature film made shot entirely from a man's point-of-view.

The attraction never changed over the course of its 17-year lifespan, aside from the entrance marquee. Upon opening, the entrance advertised the famous live-action comedians featured in the show but did not stick out much. In the mid-90s, it was remodeled to a much more theatrical appearance, focusing more on the militaristic and animated portions of the show, proudly featuring General Knowledge and Buzzy.

Ties to other Disney projects

The show has a number of ties to important Disney history as well. At the grand opening, Jeffrey Katzenberg was so impressed by the pre-show that he claimed it was almost more entertaining than the main show itself. When he got back to Glendale, he found himself needing to assign a new director to Beauty and the Beast after firing Richard Purdum from the project due to creative differences. Immediately he thought of Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise, who were major players on turning the troubled Cranium Command project around in record time, and giving it a great sense of humor which Beast desperately needed at the moment. Katzenberg quickly hired the duo who in turn ended up making Beauty and the Beast one of the most critically acclaimed animated films of all-time, and one of Disney's largest hits.

Cranium Command's preshow wowed Jeffrey Katzenberg so much, it lead to director assignments for Beauty and the Beast.

Another connection was that Pete Docter wound up as an animator on the project (one of his first jobs), who would later become a director at Pixar. Docter's third feature Inside Out had a very similar premise (exploring the mind of an 11-year-old girl) and he has credited the attraction as an inspiration for that film.

Oh, an Inside Out ride? What a novel idea...lol.

Status after ride closure

After shutting down in 2007, the attraction was left intact but closed to public access. In 2017, Matt Sonswa, an urban explorer, posted an exploration video on YouTube of the show building showing the pre-show, theater, and animatronics to be in good condition. A number of animatronic elements including Buzzy were marked by the Walt Disney archives for preservation. Cranium Command subsequently became an increasingly popular destination for urban explorers.

It's one thing to go exploring but another far more sinister to steal things from WDW - and that's exactly what eventually happened...

Reported theft of Buzzy

In December 2018 it was reported that the Buzzy animatronic had been stolen. The theft generated a considerable amount of reactions and speculation.

Buzzy in happier days.

In January 2019, Disney urban explorer Dave Ensign claimed on the Cinemoddities podcast that he had contacted Disney insiders and discovered that Buzzy had never been stolen although his hat and coat were. Allegedly, urban explorers were frequently taking selfies with Buzzy who was mounted dangerously high above a mechanical pit in the stage. Ensign explained that facility operations had "stolen" the figure: "They had an order to remove him so people wouldn't hurt themselves by sneaking in there and climbing on the sets. Unfortunately, nobody told operations or security who found it missing and assumed he'd been stolen." Disney made no official comment on the matter.

In May 2019, the Orlando Sentinel reported that the Buzzy animatronic was still missing from the closed attraction.

In May 2019, former Disney employee Patrick Spikes was arrested in connection to the theft of the Buzzy animatronic character's belongings and selling them on the black market. His cousin Blaytin Taunton was also charged for his role in the theft. In February 2020, after both men made a plea deal of no contest regarding the theft and sale of the belongings and those of Haunted Mansion props, Spikes was sentenced to ten years probation and 250 hours of community service, while Taunton was sentenced to five years probation and 125 hours of community service. Both men were also ordered to pay over $25,000 in restitution and are no longer permitted to set foot on Disney property.

There was actually a pretty fascinating article comicbook.com ran with some amazing tidbits, starting with some pics of Buzzy's missing head:

Police reported Spikes, who was among the Disney bloggers posting about the animatronic's disappearance, denied firsthand knowledge of the thefts. In December 2018, investigators reported Spikes had sent another Disney employee photos showing Buzzy's stolen clothing in Spikes' vehicle. The photographs also showed a tan backpack later identified as one used to conceal the stolen items.

Interestingly enough, Spikes also stole various animatronic dresses from the Haunted Mansion.

In the end, Cranium Command was one of those rides you didn't think about until it was gone. In fact, Body Wars was the only real thing that drove the entire pavilion. I honestly didn't even remember Cranium Command until one day, Food and Wine drove guests into the old Wonders of Life - consequently driving me to wikipedia. A quick little "OH YEEEEAH" light bulb goes off and you remember this as kind of a throwaway memory from the late 80's/early 90's.

Sadly, Cranium Command is no longer with us. But the Wonders of Life pavilion will not be denied as PLAY! - an interactive attraction where guests will be able to interact with their favorite Disney characters - is scheduled to open soon.

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